ytssfaz

slowly but surely.pee poot pee poot.

2010-07-24T14:21:00.004+08:00

I guess finally it's time to let you go for something which is gone, is never going to come back. Enough is enough. Sad as i am this is a lesson learn. Never to take things for granted. I don't think. i know i'll move on. Told you i'll never forget you. It's because of the pain that you left me. that pain is too painful that if i ever move on to the next person. no i think there won't be any other person. I lost trust in guys. Because i see you in everyone. You made my eyes this way. Deeply according to memories i still hope there would be us but i'm slapped with reality that you're an asshole. You left me.

I'm so exhausted of being okay at one point of time and being totally in immense pain the next time. I'm shagged. One day when we're okay. I do hope for us to be friends. Because you're a beautiful person if you must know. That is provided we're okay. I don't want to be falling for you again. People tend to look at what you're showing. But i know how you are when you're down to earth. You're the best boyfriend one would ask for seriously. The only issue you have is that..wait it's not the only lah. You're no angel. You have flaws but i don't know why i don't see your flaws now. Anyway the issue you have is, time. and that you're a coward but that is only because you love your mom. Understood i guess. But at times i think you should know the line between human and your mom. HUman is a person with feelings. I'm human. i guess, you weren't aware that i was one. Sometimes you got to learn how to stand up for yourself given the situation. Mom is mom. But respect towards others is another thing. But you did your part. I remember our last convo was that i shouted at you for avoiding. "avoid, avoid, avoid..that's the only thing you know and toot toot toot..u put down the phone. then you msg me to go away. I went crazy and i went to your school. but didn't know why i was rooted to the ground. and i didn't even tell you that I'm there. Stupid is the word i guess. bcz i regretted that part. Maybe things would be different if i were to talk to you there and then. Blah blah blah. There's a reason why shit happens. I guess I'm at the losing end but at the end of the day i'm actually better without you. I've experienced so many things. I've start fishing. I've start to look at things so differently. and i respect one individual for their reasons to do so... so means anything. I've also learn that if i felt something was wrong, something really is wrong. I've grown as a person. 2 months plus proved to me that I was doing soo many things without you then i had with you.

God have plans for us. da tkde jodoh lah kan. nk buat ape. For now i want to be happy. Achieving great things and just learn self love. I guess I'll see you around. If i do, i'll smile. Because you're a stranger i used to know. I do hope you'll smile back because i'm a stranger to you that you used to know. =D

2010-06-19T03:45:00.002+08:00

I still have nightmares of you. Even when 1 month had passed. God knows how long this thing is going to take. I still have your shirt. and i still wear them to sleep. I still keep pictures of u and held them while sleeping. I still have your number in my head. I still wear the shorts you gave me. I still am blogging about you. I still look at our pictures. I still talk excitedly about you to my friends. I still couldn't cut my hair because you told me you like it long. I still cry everyday for you. I still couldn't get over you. I still compare my friends situation to our situation and told them well you could do it..how come they couldn't.

Yesterday i dreamt that you came back. You ran towards me and told me you missed me. I hugged you and said i miss you too. It was surreal. Then i woke up, knowing that i lost you again. AGain and again.

I don't understand. WHen we were together, i have nightmares of us breaking apart. When we're apart, i have nightmares of us being together back.

I'm moving on to tumblr... http://fazlin-is-nowhere.tumblr.com/

away from here

2010-05-23T22:28:00.002+08:00

i am going away from here. This is my past now. Whatever i've written here shall forever be here i guess. I am just hoping now that i would not think if you. But every time i breath i am actually thinking of you. I told everyone I'm fine but the actual fact is I'm not. I told everyone I'll be better but the actual fact is I don't know how to be better. I really don't know how. How am i suppose to move on when i don't know which way to go. I am lost.

What am i suppose to do when the best part of me was you. WHat am i suppose to say?? I'm choking here but you can breath normally. I know no one cares. Everybody doesn't want to listen to what I'm saying. I am so lonely. I don't know why is this happening to me. WHy god.. WHy?

I don't understand why when I saw everybody having their partners by their side when they did shit. I was faithful i did everything i could. WHy do you still leave me? WHy ? I can't answer that. Why must everybody leave me? my mom.. friends n then you. Why must these things happen to me all in one shot. I can't accept it all. I really can't. I am not strong enough. I tried to be but i fall backwards everytime. I am screaming for help. goodbye blogspot. I am not going to close this blog. I am just going to leave it alone. No matter how i try to delete this blog i can't delete my pasts anyways. So i don't bother.

2010-04-01T01:24:00.002+08:00

I just realise it's been ages since i visited here. I'm totally not updated with this kind of things anymore.

1 random fact.i scratch a lot when I'm depress, stress or irritated or just bored..

I need my friends I need my family

I need art to be my pleasure. My satisfaction n my soul mate.

The one that I truly love doesn't love me.

I'm addicted to the song tanpa by sixth sense.

I'll be perfect without you.

I need to go for hair treatment

I so want to cut him into pieces and eat him. But I'm too disgusted with him, so I'll stick to just cutting him into pieces, slowly shredding the skin n tearing it apart all at the same time.

But why do i even bother. He's a waste of time.

To think i actually wasted 3 yrs with this guy kills me.

I'll bring a penknife where ever i go.

be rational.. be inspired.

2010-02-14T01:49:00.002+08:00

Protect me from what i want.

I saw this phrase when i was looking up on Jenny Holzer. An artist who uses words and projectors to convey her art. I'm so inspired by her. I'm having trouble with everything. Don't even wish to list it all out but all i want to do now is be responsible for my own actions.

My priority now is that i have to get him out of my head because when he's around in my mind nothing else matters.

Secondly i have to grab myself to the ground and knock some sense into me that hardworks matters in life. Without it I'll crash to the ground and why would i jeopordize all that I've worked for. All those tears that I've wasted and all those time I've cried for wasting time.

Lazying around didn't get where i am so.. i think it's time that what i write now doesn't just be words in this blog. I hope this words echoed in my everyday life.

I just have to write down my thoughts for now because i don't think anybody wants to listen about my relationship problems.

Well.. boy i know i have issues but you're pretty messed up too.. either way I've found out I'm nothing without you.
I don't know what's happening to me. For the past few months.. I've been acting up and then being normal again maybe you couldn't handle that. Maybe I couldn't handle you.
Things would be okay if only i know why. I think about you and when i msg i expect you to reply..even a minute late would spark me off. but a least at that point of time you replied and finish the conversation but now.. you don't even bother finishing it and only left me with more questions to myself asking that maybe it's not the right time for you. But when will it be? I'm angry because i told you once that of all three things now that you are occupied with that includes me..working and school.. you would have to give up one to be happy because you're handling too much stuff..

And then you chose.. and give me up.. i know you gave up because i gave up.. though it might seem a little off.. but i gave up because you kind of gave up first.. you didn't care as much and you were tired of me even back then.. i get it.. i make things hard for you. But without you knowing or even realising i have problems of my own.. and trying to get hold of your attention while trying to dealt with stressed is difficult and challenging furthermore i did it unknowingly.. and when i did notice it.. i was irritated with myself because instead of helping you I'm only making things worst.. well that causes me to further irritate you and myself.. and Poof! it became coco crunch.. even though things are better for you.. things aren't for me.. I just can't get you off my head.. i tried.. i tried and i tried.. i just can't Ahmad. Like i told you.. i can't even hate you to forget you. Yes now I'm secretly counting down the days that I'm meeting you that is on Tue.. but I'm afraid.. that it would just be the same.. things would just repeat.. so I'm against myself now..i don't know why I feel the way i feel. I just can't continue this anymore. It's ruining my life.

I know that you would just continue the way you are.. that's what i can't live with.

Gi mati sudah

2010-01-31T23:42:00.002+08:00

I guess it's just different between you and i. You have no idea how stressed out i am. I'll try to potray as far as possible to everybody that I'm okay but in actual fact i hadn't been able to sleep peacefully. Everytime i close my bloody eyes all i ever see is your face and all i ever dream about is you. I'm sorry that i was a bitch these past few days.. I failed my re-do basic drawing and i just don't want to tell you but i end up making things worst than i ever would have.

I know that i wasn't doing my part. I wasn't there for you and all i ever do is making things worst for you. I .. I won't stop you if you want to go. Like the note that iffa tagged me... People are like sunlight. You can feel their warmth, and their glow, but you can’t hold them in your hand and keep them with you forever.

I'll let you be free.. to breath without me and to live life to the fullest without me. You will find more meaning to life. You will realize what you have been missing when you were with me. Without me you will live a little more everyday.

WHat about me? yeah me too.. I guess if you love someone.. letting that person be happy should be your priority. I never wanted this to happen.. maybe it will n maybe it won't.. I don't know how to face you.. i don't know what to say to you.. all I know is i should just take a look at you for 1 last time before we part..

You were too busy and i wasn't patient enough to understand that. You're disappointed? so am i.. i guess this is the last time.

i hate that i love u

2010-01-27T03:25:00.000+08:00

i hate break ups.. but im in it nw

i just wanna let go

2010-01-21T23:42:00.000+08:00

"Ordinary People"

[Verse 1]

Girl im in love with you
This ain't the honeymoon
Past the infatuation phase
Right in the thick of love
At times we get sick of love
It seems like we argue everyday

[Bridge]

I know i misbehaved
And you made your mistakes
And we both still got room left to grow
And though love sometimes hurts
I still put you first
And we'll make this thing work
But I think we should take it slow

[Chorus]

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

[Verse 2]

This ain't a movie no
No fairy tale conclusion ya'll
It gets more confusing everyday
Sometimes it's heaven sent
Then we head back to hell again
We kiss then we make up on the way

[Bridge]

I hang up you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away
As our love advances
We take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I Still want you to stay

[Chorus]

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

[Verse 3]

Take it slow
Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave,
maybe you'll return
Maybe another fight
Maybe we won't survive
But maybe we'll grow
We never know baby youuuu and I

[Chorus]

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Heyyy)
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

Molested and i'm offially a racist

2010-01-09T19:02:00.003+08:00

I had been molested yesterday without even realising it. I was so pissed of with that perverted man and myself. I mean I could have either slap him or pushed him away but I'm stupid enough not to realise. Irgh! I'm still angry at myself. Yesterday i went to causeway point with Ahmad to have Ban mian after we watched movie at Yishun ten here, GV. Anyway we went there because both of us were having this craving for Ban mian. We reach there and then we proceed to the atm to draw out money. While i was at the atm, Ahmad had to go to the rest room. Okay After I'm done drawing out money, i had nothing to do so i roam around and went inside the Value shop. The place was cramp and full so going from another shelf to another shelf wasn't that easy. Then as i walk, this Indian man, a modern singh without a turban, suddenly pushed me using his hands exactly where my boob is.. I mean I was shock but i thought it was just an accident because well that place was full.. and besides we was trying to answer a call.. or so i thought..

i find it weird because he keeps on saying "hello, hello"..and he was going back and forth that area..then i quickly went out of the shop and at the same time Ahmad came back but i wasn't focused at him at all.. all along i was looking at that perverted man. He was looking at girls, that perverted look on woman even aunties..and purposely pushed them! while pretending that he was on the phone. No one actually realise that except me.. then a surge of anger came to me.. I was angry STUPID OLD PERVERTED MAN!!! and there i was trying to tell ahmad secretly.. but he wasn't listening .. he was blabbering about something..at that moment all i could here was my heart pumping.. I was so angry.. with myself.. with that perverted man and with ahmad for leaving me alone.. it could have been worst! I just lost it to him after that.. he even tried to find the man after i calmed down and explain it to him.. but i told him forget it..

WHat am i to do

2010-01-06T19:14:00.002+08:00

I'm freaking bored and I really really wanted to buy that pants!! haiz..

Just bought this plain black T-shirt.. I think I'm into boy meets girl kind of looks.. really and o really hope the blazer i ordered

Ouh n i watched perempuan berkalung sorban.. nice movie but i think indonesia would be making more of this kind of shows ever since ayat2 cinta was a blast.. there's another movie I've yet to watch.. ketika cinta bertasbih.. Sounds nice ;)

I can't wait

2009-12-25T21:38:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow I'm going to genting with Fina.. her bf n my bf ;) We'll be leaving at night.. Meeting Ahmad first then going to take the coach..! haha!! okay this is my first time going with my love and my closest friend..It's been awhile since i met her and honestly i missed her.. Just hope we can have as much fun with each other before we parted again for the new year, and the rest of the year..

I wished a very happy belated to my friend Charace.. The thing is.. I have nothing against her.. I have nothing against my friends.. Maybe I'm just a little upset that we are trying so hard to be friends.. i don't understand why must that be.. We were once together..Iffa.. Firli and charace.. but yeah.. all of us are heading different directions.. that's not the point.. the point is we are losing contact with each other and the scary part is.. we don't care.. nobody cares.. we tried to make things work between all of us but if you wanna clap you need both hands n not just one.. I'm a bit pissed.. we tried hard to remember our friends birthday only to know that the person is too busy for you.. it's frustrating.

Well...I've never had that close of a friend before..except fina.. But she's gone.. She's moved to Malaysia.. of course we can contact.. but no more "lepaking" anymore..Natasha.. well..she's a great friend.. a wonderful friend.. but she's busy with other commitments.. n somehow things don't work out between us.. now in school.. well i don't have a close friend..sometimes i think maybe it's because of me wearing tudung.. they perceive me as being narrow minded i suppose.. I don't know.. but they are great people.. just that I'm not close with any of them.. so sometimes i feel a bit distant...

Ahmad.. well he have other commitments too.. and most of the time that frustrates me..he tries to balance everything too hard and he even need to put a timetable just to meet me. A specific day..that is tue and thurs even then his work mattered more to him..I'm trying to understand that... but I'm the kind of person who loves the idea of spontaneous.. and surprise but i guess he's not a big fan of that.. and i have to admit he's a bit too picky with his food.. this cannot that cannot... IRGH!! and what irritates me most is when I offered food to him.. he will always always push it away... that's rude.. and he's afraid of trying new things.. afraid of going out of his comfort zone.. i sincerely hope the NS will change that about him. But I still loves him.. n that includes the rest of what i hate about him..It comes in a package n I'm not perfect myself.. so why am i being too pushy right..

Genting here I come!!

perfect slap

2009-12-09T19:20:00.002+08:00

Got back my results.. n tell you.. my results.. haiz.. 1 E n 1 F... SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! argh!! i know this is going to happen i got nobody but myself to blame.. I just know how to whine n whine but did i really try??

Was i really trying FAZLIN??

love Hooked

2009-11-30T22:57:00.003+08:00

Love games... that makes the whole relationship fun!

Ouh god.. i'm spinning in your love games but im lovin it! You make me happy..... and i know where I'll be.. BOy you're my one love, one heart and one life for sure..

yeah.. i realise i'm getting all mushy up.. truth is i'm like this almost all the time only that i fail to blog it. Only when i'm feeling tight up the i blog it.. but i guess.. i shouldn't do that..

I just love you ahmad..

School's out!

2009-11-17T15:42:00.002+08:00

Woo and the last NIE assesment which falls on the thurs! I can't wait to clean my room. My room now is in a HUGE mess. I can't stand the mess but i'm too occupied to clean(ehe actually just lazy) Like WOoooHoooo finally finally over.. I can't wait for my trip to Genting.. but then again.. my aunt is in the hosp.. and on the 21st. i'm working.. at siglap. So far.. haiz.. just get it over and done with.. n i don't feel like working there anymore.. I'll find another job.. Right now i have to finish my painting and then i can start exercising again.. damn I've gained so mcuh weight.. nw i'm like 60 ++!! T_T need to lose it all!!!

freak

2009-11-04T19:33:00.002+08:00

I got an e grade.. haiz.. perspective ouh perspective.. haiz..

And ahmad ouh ahmad.. y do u suddenly shut urself up...I'm having a heavy load n im just hoping tt u could tell me y.. tts all..

Freaking out

2009-10-24T20:09:00.002+08:00

Assessment is just around the corner and OMG Kay is leaving.. her days are numbered here.. haiz.. well we still have a long way to go with that sickening apek.. I'm tired and lethargic just wishing that term would be over soon.. 4 more weeks baby and boom! it's over...

Currently i'm missing out on soo many homework.. seriously.. shit i think i'm going to get an e grade.. CRAp.

2009-10-17T22:17:00.002+08:00

God what am i doing.. I'm still asleep.. my friends are way better and i have to prove to them that i too can make it.. why of all people they choose me in that course right?

Yeah my self esteem is going away n away as the days goes by, but i need to get back up.. i need to do this .. i dont want to lack behind anymore.. I really need to do this.

i lost it, we lost it

2009-10-12T22:39:00.002+08:00

For now, I'm stressed out with everything. I'm exhausted actually.. thank god, my friends in school can actually cracked jokes.. haiz.. i dont know what's happening with us.. I can't tell u the truth.. you can't accept me lying.. I betrayed your trust now.. I'm just sorry.. I'm speechless. You can't be bothered anymore.. what about me right? Am i not tired too..? you think I did it for fun?

Just tell me, what now?

pics..lately happenings..

2009-09-29T23:17:00.002+08:00

I just am in no mood to blog lately.. Things are just different now. I just hope things can get better.

2009-09-14T18:08:00.001+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CrVE-WQBcYQ

2009-09-10T16:54:00.002+08:00

Well that's a few pictures.. Well lately I barely had time for my own leisure time let alone blogging or anything else. The preparation for HAri Raya is going nowhere at all with the assignments from Nafa n NIE.. tired.

I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth is turning slowly. I don't know even now i still brought forward my procastination attitude.. I need to stop that!!!!

Readings about philosophers is giving me big big headache.. Immanuel Kant.. Clement Greenberg..OMG the english is like so chim lah! my goodness.. that's why i need my englishy friend, Lingz.com.

I understand a bit of it... and it's actually very interesting...about modernist and the progression of it. All about art and critique of art. haiz.. i'm like so tired now..

frust tonggek

2009-08-30T00:14:00.005+08:00

The food at 18 chefs is fabulous!

Right now I'm really depress over my school things... Kay's work especially.. I don't know why but I'm really angry at myself that compared to my other friends i didn't progress.. so unlike them. They progress and did fantastic work after 7 weeks n me? I did shit man! I'm really the weakest now because i can't produce a work as good as them and seriously I'm struggling.

I suck at my rendering of colour pencil and i hate myself that I'm not good enough. CRAP!!!!! IRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just so angry!

Right now.. I just have to keep on trying.

At least i had a great time with firli and iffa. Finally something good in my life. Thanks guys ;)

throat infection

2009-08-21T11:26:00.002+08:00

Yesterday i went to polyclinic..hoping that doctors there would take me seriously and actually check whats wrong with my throat.. and not be like my family clinic and just laugh at me..
but they too thought that I'm just exaggerating things.. like hello! it's my throat or yours..?

The doctor just merely check my throat only after i repeatedly said that my throat is in pain..n it's difficult for me to swallow things.. he checked and just said.. ouh it's throat infection.. there's pus all over my throat.. only that? i had pus in my throat before and i know how it felt like.. it's really not like this.. i guess maybe it is just pus.. but it's really painful.. and not only that i'm still having a slight fever..because of the pain in my throat.. really hope things would be better soon..

Sicko

2009-08-19T23:05:00.002+08:00

I'm still having a bad headache..even after two days of MC.. but that's prolly because of the pain i felt at my throat. I just can't tell why my throat hurts so much.. Everytime i swallow even my own saliva, i felt pain... like my throat is having a very bad sore.. or it's injured or something.. No doubt i still can talk.. but it would be a pain.. i can eat.. and it would also be a pain.. I'll just ignore it for the time being.. but it really hurts..it's like my throat swell or something.. i'm so totally going to the doctor either tommorow or fri or sat..it's freaking hurtful...

First day sway day..

2009-08-14T20:09:00.003+08:00

This is Tang Da Wu...our lecturer for the first 3 lesson.. He's a well known Singapore artist..

Here's the link to whom he actually is http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tang_Da_Wu

Above is my sucky visual work.. and it's rejected...

Above are works done at NIE.. by my fabulous classmates

Above...is mine.. and this took me awhile to do it ok.. not such as easy as u think..i shall title this bloodshed.. because i was trying to potray that..

First day to NIE ..

Hmm.. a sway day to start.. the bus to NIE broke down.. on our first day of school there...whAT a way to start school right? We were actually excited about it thinking that it would be different than NAFA..as in no art works.. skali got larh! and the standard are much much higher..

Anyway now what I'm busy..no correction.. what WE'RE busy with are Kay's work..Really the most difficult but interesting basic drawing class. We still have ceramics..visual element..visual art history.. perspective drawing..printmaking another basic drawing by apek.. er.. plus the NIE classes.. Few more weeks and it's critique assesment session.. scary..

.. .. Ok lah.. i'm damn shagged and lethargic and as i type my eyes are like dragging itself to open.. i think i'm going to sleep even

though it'sfreaking early only 2038pm

It's been awhile since i had the time to blog about my life. Been busy with assignments..and this is only the beginning.. Soon there would be more assignment as now we're a student there too! Every thurs we would have to go all the way to NIE... for yet another drawing class..

Congrats Fina!!!!

2009-08-10T15:37:00.005+08:00

Here comes more picts.. a lil breather first..hehe

My greatest congrats to my bestie Nurshafinah Bte Rahmat.Harap berkekalan sampai ke pelamin.This is only her engagement btw.. heeh!! just so happy for her! ;)

haha! cool sia.. new ndp song.!(editted by mrbrown)

2009-08-06T21:07:00.002+08:00

hw's schl so far..

2009-08-03T22:35:00.002+08:00

Well.. school had been fun lah.. trying out new things.. ceramic lah.. printmaking lah.. perspective lah.. all in all it was fun.

No doubt it's getting a bit challenging each and everyday because all of them are good.. much better than me.. so every single day i'll stress about being one of the worst in class.. haiz..

i'm very tired now.. haha! guess i'll blog next time.. ;)

My first day at schl

2009-07-22T23:47:00.002+08:00

Well.. my first day at school.. was quite fun.. got to learn a few things.. but one thing is for sure, i am really worried as i have to get so many things by next week and i'm left to wonder how in the world i can get those money to buy those things.

I'm now am still thinking about it. I need to sleep. suddenly feel tired.

we could keep trying but things will nvr change

2009-07-21T08:43:00.002+08:00

Well today..marks the date of our 2yrs 5 mths(29mths)... You promised me last week that you would meet me.. this day.. today.

I was hoping of course. But u did it again.. u broken it once more.. just like the other time. You HAD to go to work. Don't get me wrong.. work lah for all i care.. the matter is.. work is more important than your stupid promises and not only that.. it is this day.. if you want to work.. the day before or the day after, i don't bloodyhell care! why must it always land on this date??? and why must u promised me!!??

I can't seem to forgive you on this. I just can't I'm sorry.. it happened more than once.. to you it may be nothing.. but to me it's something!! It hurts me so badly because U'RE the one who made me care of this date... but at the end of the day.. U'RE the one who forgets... I know you got tons of things in your mind..and i know this day is totally out of the "important date" zone, but..haiz.. I'm just so upset why you love to change me ..i used to not care about this date...but you made me remember?!

you still have the cheek to say we'll talk when we meet tommorow.. till then don't contact....i'm dying with every step i take with u... we could keep trying but things will never change.

OUH AND TO THOSE VOLUNTARY REPORTERS WHO REPORTS TO AHMAD.. whatever content in this blog.. look.. ahmad knows about this blog.. even my private blog all because of your doings.. so if he wants to read it.. he can by all means.. You don't need to do extra reporting job. (i'm freaking pissed off with this ppl)

Why does everyone hates me?

2009-07-21T04:13:00.002+08:00

Seriously.. why?

People said I'm being too straightforward and opiniated that it hurts.. even my late mom said that.. even the BF is saying that.. and not to mention my friends..

I'm being me. That's me... WHy can't people accept me the way I am?

People are being opiniated too to me.. they judge me.. they compare me.. and when i do that to them.. they said..i should be opiniated at the right time.. or i am being too straightforward.. i never did say anything when you guys judge me.

People only liked me when i am being the way they want me to be. It's normal i know but sometimes it just gets to me. Sometimes i wonder why.. SIGH

I used to be able to listen.. attentively.. and not give comments but what i went through is what made me the way i am now. I kept quiet too much that they climb on top of my head and say whatever they want about me or the people i cared about.

How unfair is life.

spread the love

2009-07-20T06:17:00.002+08:00

The first picture is actually the wall over at my room..i vandalised it when i was bored..so using the remaining acrylic paint, i just coloured it..was so freaking bored and didn't have any idea what to do so that's the result.. i know it sucks..but can't be helped at that point of time i was upset while bored..and i remember painting it at 5 am in the morning..

The second picture is a picture i took at the banquet at causeway point..i was eating alone during lunch while i was working and when i finish my meal this auntie came up took my dish, i thanked her and she wipe my table in such a way..while smiling. Little things in life that's too much of a coincidence.. that made my day.

So..i'm coming NAFA -_-

2009-07-16T04:08:00.003+08:00

I'm going to start school next week but guess what.. the lecturer is unable to make it on the first two days of school.. like what the hell.. and instead we have to make up for it on the day that we're not suppose to be in school becauce we have to go over to NIE.. but since it's not started yet till 4th aug.. the lecturer is using that free time..

I've received the student card.. not the CEPAS though.. the woman over at the admin office said we have to check it somewhere next week or something. HAIz..
Well the student pass was very thick.. we have to use it for attendance taking.. imagine if i forgot to bring it on that day. crap.

Somehow I'm not as excited as how i should be.. very weird.. It's just irritating.
Maybe i still felt like i just did a horrible mistake.. choosing NAFA over TP... it hurts just thinking about it..

A total of 19 students in my class DAT 1A ..most malay students.. about 3 to 4 china students.. others... err.. chinese students..no indians.. so not racial harmony

Well that's all that i know because our orientation was cut from 8 hours to 2 hours.. because of the H1N1.. or hw the lecturer calls it, HINI..

Well i already knew some of them from our interview session way back.. so at least there are familiar faces there.. and certainly there is one joker there..and guess what.. his name is Ahmad.. -_-"
HAh... and it's weird calling his name out.. reminds me of the BF...

compared to TP.. i went head on for this course..it doesn't come so easily..i have to undergo few interviews before and it was difficult and i really wonder why I'm still doubting myself.. i thought this is what i want...is this what i want? I could keep thinking but things would never change.. I'm doubting more with every step i take.. guess i shouldn't look back.. sigh!..

I'm thinking to buy this adobe photoshop 4 that costs $165... student offer.. i want to buy.. but i'm short on cash.. not that i don't have.. just that I'm trying not to waste it..

I'm thinking whether do i need a laptop.. not now.. but later... should i even buy MAC laptops..? what if one day that laptop break down.. i can't use the desktop that I'm using now.. diff programme.. ahh! whatever lah.. not my time to think.. haha..

So i'll be starting school on wed.. wish me luck.. !

i found it then lost it.. then i don't know when i would find it again...

2009-07-06T04:26:00.002+08:00

Been a long time since i blog... I'm just very lazy lately.. I'm going to start school soon.. very soon.
I've been dreading for this day to come but yet now.. suddenly i have cold feat and hope that that day would never come. Sometimes i ask myself.. what the hell FAZ!! you've been working hard enough throughout the whole of last year.. when i fell and rise again.. don't tell me now i voluntarily fall again! SIGH... deep deep sigh..

The feeling towards the BF... just became thicker but yet it fades at times..you know both the anger and love...
WHy is relationship so complicated.. ok why must i make things complicated?
I don't know what i want.
What do i want?
I don't know..

I actually cried just now.. because i was soo freaking bored at home..well yesterday i finish the whole malay novel.. so today i really don't feel like reading.. tiring..

I just ordered Jalillah delivery.. funny.. it's really not bad.. i quite like it.. only that i learnt that wheat bread, i mean home made ones... not gardiner's really tastes wheaty.. nah for me man!
well time check.. 04.37 am.. really tired and sleepy..

RIP to 2 legendary people

2009-06-26T17:19:00.002+08:00

Two of the most undeniably talented people in hollywood left us recently..
Micheal Jackson and Farrah Fawcett..
I have always been a fan of Micheal Jackson.. When i was little i used to go gaga whenever his music video is shown at Tv.. I will forever loved his dance moves.. and my favourite music video was thriller.. You'll forever be the KING OF POP Micheal Jackson..RIP..

Farrah Fawcett well.. I watched charlie's angel.. the old version and i find her the most beautiful angel! well.. she's going to be missed.. goodbye..

I feel sad whenever people left this world.. grief..it can never brought them back to live but at least it can let us let it out...

CLARIFICATION!

2009-06-13T11:52:00.004+08:00

I'm gonna be very honest for my posts so as not to be suspected of the things that i really didn't do. I'm gonna clear that doubt now before people start to spread anyhow..

Lately.. people have been coming up to me asking.. hey.. do you want to tell me something?? or is there something they should know...or.. you did something with your BF?

Answer is.. NO..

When i meant i have sinned a lot and that I'm dirty is for all the pasts sins that I've committed.. and Ahmad has got nothing to do with it. For goodness sake.

I'm still a firm believer( for myself that is ) that i need to get married to do those things.. I know it's personal but hey my name is on stake and my bf too.. GOD.. we didn't do those shitty things okay.. you don't need to do those things to keep you relationship strong..

I'm still a virgin. and i will keep that till I'm married.. It's what god forbids most! BEsides... sex between husband and wife is actually the most beautiful thing in this world. that thing exists so that we can reproduce. NOt for us to misused it.. for personal pleasures before you're married.. that's wrong. When you do that before marriage you can have a lot of sickness like cervical cancer.. aids?? std? or any sickness..

Don't get me wrong.. I'm open... It's just that for me, myself.. and i... i would keep it.. because it's the most sacred thing that a girl can have.. and keep.. why break it ?

Finally got back my fon!!

2009-05-30T01:14:00.004+08:00

I'm so elated that my phone is alright! ;) after weeks waiting for it to be repaired and back to my hands.. happy happy!

I missed those times when i trained hard but i don't feel tired because all of us are training together.. haiz.. now i'm like 58 kg.. from 55 within a month! how cool can that be.. urgh!

But i love eating!
I'm supposed to be asleep because i have to wake up later at 5 for work! should i even sleep??

I have done some shity things lately.. I feel so dirty now.. i have sinned.. and i'm not in love with it... i would never do it again.. NEVER!
It's between me and Allah now..
I'm not perfect.. i'm a human and i allowed myself to do those things.. i guess i'm growing up??
i just hope Allah forgive me.. i beg for his mercy now..
I'm not pure and i sinned a lot within my 19 years of life.. and i don't think wearing tudung makes me different from the rest.. yes i hold the image.. and it's a whole lot of responsibility that i have to hold.. but i'm only human.. same as the rest and i'm obviously not superior than anyone else..I'm far worst than anyone can imagine..
I'm just a human who prefers to wear tudung to remind myself not to do stupid things that the religion forbids.. but i guess i got a little too far.. and forgotten...

Making sins does not only consist of doing the normal obvious things that you shouldn't do.. by right.. even looking at man for the second time.. is a sin.. let alone talking to him..
gossiping is a sin.. duh! commenting at something which can hurt someone is a sin too.. yeah.. n thats not even the beginning.. and i have to learn more and really kuat kan iman.. guess i'm a weakling.. and a dirty sinful little girl..

I have promised to myself when i reach 27.. i need to learn about life.. and i have to really clean myself.. if god allow me to live that long.. insya'Allah...

I can't wait to start school. waiting..and waiting... tick tock tick tock!

we are like birds

2009-05-22T02:52:00.002+08:00

HAve you ever thought of moving out? Away from your parents.. away from those domestic problems that actually you don't even have to deal with but there you are thinking about it because you heard them argue at home.. or maybe somehow between that fight you got sucked in as well.. just because you didn't switch off the lights after use?

or if you are like me...

You have a father who likes to make his bedroom and if can his house to be a replica of the store!
and who's idea of living room is totally nonsenstical. picture this.. the speaker is facing the windows... i can't debate over that because this is his house.. and i can't have any say.. that sucks.. that is why i wanna go fly out of this house.. i want to own my own house.. have it design my way.. n espcially not have speakers to be facing the windows.. ouh n N!! especially not to pack my store with rubbish that i don't even own or use!! irgh! im so angry whenever i talk about this.

To me it makes no difference .. really.. except financially.. other than that.. nope.. ouh n of course having extra people at home.. other than that.. nope.. no problems.. i cook.. clean and wash my own things, even the house.. my family is seldom home... my father is not supporting us anymore..

I just can't wait to fly out of my nest.. of course I'll be lonely but.. am i not always like that?? I'm not exactly dependable on them.. except for the water and gas bills..
If only Singapore's houses are cheaper.. if not i would have gone from this house long ago.

But do i really want to? am i ready? I don't have issues with me having freedom.. i have freedom.. enough for me to enjoy.. my curfew believe it or not is till 2 am.. only that Ahmad cuts it till my curfew now is 12 am.
Actually he wants me to be back by 10.. but after a few arguments and after me being relentless .. yeah.. we finally come to an understanding that 12 is appropriate since in the first place I'm not even the kind that listen to boyfriends because even my father gave me more leeway..

honestly.. i can't sleep if theres no one and if i have no plans the next day.. yeah.. that's the reason why i'm having insomnia lately.. i'm not afraid of dark.. i'm just afraid of being alone.. other people's presence comfort me.. their absence distract me. Oh don't get me wrong.. i'm used to being alone.. i was always alone at home since i was in sec 2.. that's the reason why i started working and all..

i guess.. i do want to own my own house.... maybe.. not yet.. a bit longer until I'm stable..maybe only till after I'm married.. i just have to put up with my father's attitude for another few years.. afterall i love him and he's my father and it's his house.. play by his rules!

friends are important

2009-05-21T03:06:00.002+08:00

I'm glad the problem between fina, nat and me is solved.. I don't know how my life is going to be like without them.

I just hope Nat can be strong and forget about that shit face. He have caused her soo much..I can see that because of him, Nat's changed now.. she's not the out standing person that she used to be. Furthermore with her family problems and stuff.. i hope she's strong enough..

Well it's the 27 months with Ahmad.. lets see.. 2 years and err.... 1..2..3.. hmm...... hehe 2 yrs and 3 months.. hhaa!! how come i felt that it was longer than that..?? hmm..

I pray that he got that sponsorship so that he doesn't have to work those crazy shifts anymore..

I sure do hope we can be strong together and let this relationship last.. who knows sampai naik pelamin ke.. chey.. berangan arh ulin ni.. wake up ah eh.. lamer lagi.. mentel sey aku ni.. haha!!

For sure I'm not going to marry that early to me being married at 25 is young... nope not ready for any hard core commitment just yet or any sooner actually.. i want to enjoy the meaning of being .. not married haha!! not till I'm 30 larh.. that's too old.. i think being married at 27 is nice.. or slightly older at 28 or 29 is fine...

Honestly.. i think i won't get married.. haha! ok.. enough.. i want to study.. get my diploma.. get my degree and get more money.. and buy myself a car!!! ;p

happy mothers day

2009-05-10T05:47:00.002+08:00

Well it's been nearly a year now.. I know i shouldn't submerge myself in self pity but i couldn't help it. I missed her..

Can u replace your mom's attention with something else? I tried people.. i tried.. as easy as you can say or spell out the word just forget it.. get it over with or move on, well.. let me tell you it's difficult.. not that i haven't tried.. I've tried lots of ways.. but losing someone as precious as her, It's not easy.

Something to take note that i can get over it..but i can never forget..because she's my mak.. somebody who carried me, bear all the burden for 9 months and then give birth to me and took care of me till I'm 18.. she taught me hell lots of things.. especially to be strong. I can't help but to cry lately because every year we would celebrate mother's day.. my sister and I would buy a cake for her...and we would eat it together.. i remember my sister making her a card... mak took the card and put it near her bed and it stayed there for 1 year.. she would stare at it everyday.. the card is still in her wardrobe..the card was made 12 years ago..

If you ask me, what is the thing that I miss about her?
Of course everything about her but especially Her nagging.
That is the thing that tells me she's well and alive.

Ahmad told me I should forget her.... not in that way..
in a way that can help me feel better... because he said it hurts him to see me in that condition and he said if he's sad..imagine my mom.

I can't help it.. i miss her touch.. i miss her telling me everything would be ok.. i miss sleeping with her.
Sometimes i have dreams about her scolding me.. i just wish i can dream that everyday..

I can move on..just that i can never forget.
Something that eases me is that i was with her till her last breath.. i get to held her hands.. she even scolded me for being noisy.. i was taken aback.. but at least i know she's listening to me..
she was aware that it was me.. she said unclearly "ulin bising ah... diam sikit"
Tears flow unchecked when she said that.. every now and then i had to run outside the ICU room so my mom won't see me crying.. everytime we cry.. she'll cry.. but she can't cry because there's this oxygen pipe through her mouth and lungs so everytime she tries to say something or cry, she'll chocked..

I can never forget that.. everything was so clear.. it's like it happened last week.

Mak.. happy mothers day *kisses on ur cheeks..and forehead*
Ulin tau ulin ni degil... tapi ulin da tetap kan janji ulin yang ulin ni akan masuk poly this year..
Ulin minta maaf selame ni tak dengar cakap mak.. slalu terbahase kasar dengan mak...
Kadang kalau ulin rindu mak, ulin amek beg mak atau baju mak then ulin akan peluk erat erat...
Maaf kan ulin mak.. halal kan makan minum ulin..halal kan susu yang mak telah berikan kepade ulin..

It's weird that sometimes I don't think that she's gone forever.. in my mind.. she's just away for awhile and that one day she'll return.. i guess that's how i ease myself.. not that I can't accept that she's gone... I accepted it with all my heart.. because if she were to stay.. she will suffer more.. and i couldn't help seeing her in that state.. it's just maybe my mind couldn't accept it.. is there even such a thing?

I envy people who can celebrate it.. i despise people who don't appreciate their presence... i especially hate it if people think i'm bragging about it.. that i should learn to just either keep it to myself or just learn to forget.. i don't know how to say it... It's more of a.. 'you need to experience it to know..'

I thank ahmad..with all my heart for being there.. for putting up with my crap.. I just don't know who I'll turn to without him.. my family members are all busy.. my friends. yeah same.. nobody has seen me cry about this except him and my family members..

I am trying to be strong.. n i am trying to sleep....

It's great to have someone who can drives!

2009-05-05T18:40:00.002+08:00

I've been out with fina to places that you can never reach by public transport..to upper seletar.. sungei buloh...marina barrage kent ridge park.. n many more places and even to yishun dam.. Damn it's great.. I've not been sleeping early.. everyday out at 2 plus pm.. till 4 am haha!

Hehe.. no wonder the BF is angry.. I did ask him to follow us bt he didn't want to.. me fina, nat and hidah.. the other day we went to eat at zam zam briyani NIce larh! and it's fina's treat! hehe!! how better can things get larh! and then we went to karaoke.. till 3 am.. haha! then off home and get nagged by father and BF.. well i was like the only one without my partner but they were so nice NOT to make me a lampost.. haha! I really enjoyed my time... funny thing is father didn't really nagged about me being home late.. he was more like scolding me for not answering the phone.. i feel like an adult..

Fina even treat me to seafood at newton makan place.. it was funny when in the beginning we couldn't find kancil's workplace.. we went round and round.. at newton not being able to find the right place.. well i really felt scared when fina was so pissed while driving.. never lose composure while driving.. that's scary!

NOw fina made me want to get my license now.. well I'm waiting for BF to pass his!! haha! he passed his Ftt already.. waiting to for the practs.. he told me i'm like a bad luck..everytime he told me of his test dates, he would either fail the test or it was the wrong date or time.. so i told..well.. then don't tell me anything.. just get the car ready when you pass and bring me out! ;)

You're not going to take away that part of my life!

2009-04-29T16:56:00.002+08:00

As our relationship past for two years and counting i realised I've changed.. and you've changed.. certain things that I've sarcrifice though it meant nothing to you, it means life for me. Yes you changed and sarcrificed a lot to but i never asked you to.. have i ever leave you with choices that is do or die?

Have i corner you with my worries and restrict you from anything?

Just because i'm worried about you?It's sad sometimes that you can't see what I'm doing for you and you keep wanting more. You want an absolute choice which is difficult for me.You claimed that you don't like things done half way..

well i love being halfway because in life you need balance.With balance comes right decision. You need to weight the pro's or con's..If you love me.. how could you even give the choice of prefering you to care or not...what a dumb thing to do..

I know it's my fault that I came back late and stuff and it got you worried. But that's what i do. How can you stop me from what I normally do. Even before we got together even before i know you.. I've always been like this.. maybe it's easy for you... but it's difficult for me to stop because your friends and my friends are different.

You took a sum of things that happened in my life.. my ego.. my walls.. my rules in life.. my love..even my pain.. but you're not going to take my friends away from me. NO..

I think I've made my decision.. that yeah maybe it's better if you don't care.. if that's better. You said it's my decision... well no.. it ends up to you.. why did you even gave me a choice..

YEs i love you but you're asking me to get further away from my friends... it's the risk that I'm taking. ARGH! i hate you so much now... you're corrupting my brain and i hate it!! Fuck larh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(i'm using vulgar because I'm really in a stress mood, just can't take any crap anymore)

u ignite the fire and you put it out again

2009-04-28T00:30:00.003+08:00

Since you're not going to care.. why should I?
I'm tired of changing.
I'm just going to let it happen.
Whatever happen..happens.. .
Goodbye NIlzaf...

Found my looong lost mr specky..

2009-04-22T00:39:00.002+08:00

I've found my loong lost spectacles.. prolly my friends would be wondering..since when FAz wear spects?? haha.. my inner most secret.. i did.. but i just don't like the irritatingness of wearing it.. ehe.. I just realised.. i really love purple.

NO, i don't like barney.. it's really a total crap.

I'm in love with the song It's not fair by Lily Allen. Well.. not really so into the lyrics.. but i like her songs and the way she sings..

Almost everybody is busy.. I'm sickeningly bored.. somebody please brought forward 20th july..please. I'm dying at home.

Fina ...mentari kuning guning merah beb~~

2009-04-17T00:59:00.002+08:00

Fina finally passed her car driving license! i feel so happy for her!! She's been wanting this like since forever. Finally she passed it!! haha! I was her first passenger in her dad's car! felt so honoured!

I don't know when I could have mine. I'm still lost which to choose..car or motorcycle.

Anyway..lately ahmad and I argue a lot..
I'm just afraid that when i start school things would be worst..
I just hate it when people deny things when it's so obvious..
What do you think i'll feel.? pretend like you're ok n not feeling guilty at the end of the day??
He was shagged after camp... i get it that well you're willing to make tt sacrifice to come all the way and meet me but me as a person.. who always worries about people being fatigue.. can't help but to feel guilty..
so seeing him fell asleep at my house makes me sooo guilty..
he was like a walking zombie.. he slept only for an hour at school camp on top of that he was a camp commandant... taking care of the whole camp.. now you tell me.... won't you feel guilty??
Now anyways .. after seeing he fell asleep long enough.. i couldn't bare and i called a cab and asked him to go home without consulting him. and without hesitations. now is that wrong? I appreciate him coming and meeting me.. but not that way.. absolutely not. My father was all worried for him.. even my sister.. so.. is that wrong??

I don't know where this relationship is going.. but i can't help it if people deny me unless they can prove me wrong.. ok..

pastime

2009-04-15T16:25:00.003+08:00

Our first frosted chocolate cake!! haah!

It doesn't look much, i know.. but hey it tasted like sara lee's cake u know..

Yesterday I've made my second cake.. my fon's busted so didn't take the picture.. yesterday's was normall buttercake.. with frosting too! Me and fina finally had our dream of making the cake. Soon we don't need to buy cakes no more. And I'm thinking of selling it once i've perfected my skills of decorating it. Anyone interested? hah! but im serious.

I'm making apple pie soon..

I'm so not going back to ace recruiters to find work. It's just that they're not paying as much. Maybe i will maybe i won't..I don't know.

I can't wait to start school.

little miss chatterbox...

2009-04-08T03:37:00.010+08:00

This on top here are a few of my pictures when i was little. Especially the one with my sissy..i know i look like a boy.. haha.. i was quite tomboy-ish.. until i was in primary school..i learn how to be a girl..I really don't know how my eyes was so full. Now become so sepet. ehe..

Her Name is Nana.. my my she's one hell of a chatterbox lil lady! hah! N she calls me instead of auntie Lin.. she called me Uncle.. suke menyakat..kong hasam nye budak.. haha! but i tell you she's very cute. this pose is not random.. she pose when i took out my cybershot fon.. really.. very cute...love her.

I just went for my medical check up just now at raffles hospital..this is the second check up so far.. first one was with SATA.. the one that I should have send to TP... god.. i still think that I've chosen the wrong choice.. whatever! I've chosen and that's it right... can't do anything about it. But i really wanted tp right from secondary school. -_-"

Now I'm praying for my friends for their good results.. my friend Fina for her driving license..my friend Mabel for her outcome of her application...for Ahmad for his tests that is coming soon and also for his camp. For Nat to have a job(same goes for me)

I need to meet my friends before i become busy again.. but well i have no money.. ehe..i miss my friends.

Hopefully my plan with mabel worked out. But I think i can't meet her for long.. maybe going out with my family after that...but i will meet her no matter how short or long it is.. c ya my friend.

N... i can't wait to start school but it will commence only in July.. so no life.

This video.. is soo cute..

2009-04-01T23:24:00.001+08:00

It looks like as if they're the ones who sang this song.. great lip singing man! Love it

You make cardbord look cute!

2009-03-30T17:28:00.001+08:00

I just stumble upon this very cute video and it made my day. I hope it could make your day too.. so watch!

the song is coming to my world

2009-03-25T04:57:00.006+08:00

Lately...i really can't sleep early.. probably because I'm not having anything on tomorrow. I know. NO life. SO everyday I can't get my freaking eyes to close. I tossed and turn only to find myself staring at the ceiling thinking about my decisions that I've chosen in life.

I know I should be supportive but everytime i know that Ahmad is going to have classes..or he's going to be very very busy, I'll try to find myself other companies(so that i wouldn't disturb him) only to be having more arguments with him. Irgh. He expects me to be home by 10pm.. even so he says that it's way too late. He's worried because I've nearly been raped and got punched in the face by my own neighbour... so.. he's sickly worried and I'm happy about that.. appreciate that a lot. Just that I'm the kind of person who can't be left alone nowadays. If i needed company and nobody is there...i can go crazy thinking about stupid stuff. I'm not saying that I can't be alone. In fact i love being alone, just that lately I'm too free.. and I don't know. seriously. I'm just bored.. that's all. And Ahmad told me that if he can do that.. why can't i?? right??
staying at home.. doing nothing.. for the next 3 months...

obviously no.

But my dear Ahmad.. I'll try.. ok.. for you..

and people.. Ahmad.. is a leader at his schl camp larh! Not only just a group leader, he's the camp leader larh! when i heard that...i was shocked.. seriously. NO offence yeah dear Ahmad. ehe! But I'm proud of him. I've always been... though last time i claim to hate him. but in silence i do envy that he's capable of doing things that I couldn't.. why else would i hate him right?

It sucks knowing that your bf is going to be busy. but even so.. he never stops giving me the same attention no matter how busy he is and that is one of the reasons why I feel like beating him whenever I meet him..(that's how i show my affection) ehe ;p but if he does that..i'll be extremely guilty.. really(as in giving me attention, not the part when he allows me to beat him).

poker face..accoustic... real nice

2009-03-25T02:51:00.002+08:00

I'm a saddist

2009-03-23T12:06:00.002+08:00

I'm a saddist and i hate seeing people happy. More like jealous. I would really enjoy if that person is in pain. Yeah I am. I can't help it. From the bottom of my heart, I apologise.

Suddenly i feel like running away to johor or something but i realise... i lost my passport. Crap.

I'll only start school on the 21 july... what should i do in between? more like.. whre should i work?

Insomnia

Before marriage..i can't slp till you're next to me.

after marriage... i can sleep till you're next to me.

Lately

2009-03-18T00:49:00.002+08:00

Lately I've been out with my friends...celebrating Nat's birthday. It's fun going out after such a long time. I love it if Ahmad is there with me and my friends although i know he hates it because i won't give enough attention ehe...

So NAFA it is

2009-03-11T15:25:00.002+08:00

The run-away myanmar maid and the bangla bf..

Anyway..I've made my choice to go NAFA instead of TP..It's a hard decision..very hard decision.. Tp has been my dream poly, I've always wanted to be a student there.. Giving it a miss over NAFA is something that I'll regret doing. I'm not saying that I'll regret more if I don't choose NAFA.. Both ways I'll regret doing my whole life. I know I have to Choose and NAFA is in my favour now. It's an honour that TP has even consider me to be a student there, for that I really thank god and them.

ANyway I still need someone to really convince me that what I've chosen is really a good idea. The last enrolment date for TP is tommorow. *sigh deeply*

I guess NAFA I'm coming.....

Because we're ordinary people

2009-03-08T17:35:00.003+08:00

It's been a real long time since i shop..seriously. I felt so good to be able to shop! Though i regret buying that t-shirt because i don't wear t-shirts...as in outside..anyway.. i bought it for 24 dollars..kindda cheap but i could buy another dress that cost 20 larh!! Irgh.. shouldn't have listen to that firli's advise.. Firli is like a devil when you go shopping.. so if you need a friend to shop with n need to save money.. NEVER..i repeat..NEVER ask firli along. Unless you need opinions and you have a lot of money to waste..then you can call him up.

I don't know what's wrong with me but I'm in love with colourful things nowadays.. just don't know why.. it seems like colourful things defines you more. You see if you like a certain colour and all your clothes are in that colour.. it only speaks of one word about you. BORING. SEriously.

I'm currently loving john legend..i know it's an old song but i love ordinary people.

"Girl im in love with you

This ain't the honeymoon

Past the infatuation phase

Right in the thick of love

At times we get sick of love

It seems like we argue everyday

[Bridge]

I know i misbehaved

And you made your mistakes

And we both still got room left to grow

And though love sometimes hurts

I still put you first

And we'll make this thing work

But I think we should take it slow"

As your relationship grow over time.. you tend to forget why you love that person..it's only normal.. that's why it's very important to pause.. have break ups and realise why you can't live without him/her and not why you can live with that person.

NAFA

2009-03-06T12:22:00.002+08:00

Yesterday i went for the 2nd interview at NAFA... These bunch of people will be my future classmates if i'm accepted by NAFA.

Somehow, i doubt i would be accepted. Simply because I flunk yesterday's interview.CRAP

Now I'm enrolling to tp.. I'm not very sure of the outcome of the interview and based from the advises that I've got, I've concluded that enrolling to tp would be the best idea. I know I'm a bit late. But hey.. I need to think of the consequences of my choice and stuff and so it took a long time.

Like hey! during the interview they ask me questions like who draw what and stuff.. how am i supposed to know I didn't learn all that.. the only artists that i know of are Vangough, Monet..Davinci Picaso oh and another I've forgotten his name.. TTs about it.. yeah i know and i have the cheeks to call myself an art student..hehe! AN embarrasment to the arty farty society. =/

Do you have any idea what I drew??

ok they gave me a sandwhich box..n guess what i draw?? A fish!!

the sandwhich box was it's mouth. CRAP!! i was soo famished that all i was thinking about is to eat.HAH!

OMG... i couldn't even explain why i drew that and the interviewer was so pissed off already..haha! (when i'm nervous, I would be totally tongue tied)

Though i passed the MOE's interview, I suck at NAFA.. ouh crap what have i done. And my father was telling me.. " you want it but you didn't do your best for it, the outcome may not be the best either" and i was stunned listening to the old man's wise words...

I share things with my father though i claimed i despise what he had done to our once perfect family. But he's still my old man.. and I know I'm wrong if i show my anger because parents are never wrong towards their children unless they abuse them.

You have to love to hate..that's what i believe in.

Anyway..pray hard that whatever the outcome is, it's for the best of me and I know Allah knows better.( Allah Maha Mengetahui)

I'm gonna miss them!

2009-03-02T21:53:00.004+08:00

My life in the office would suck without them..really.. at least listening to them giggle all the way from kallang to amk.. or frm morning to afternoon can really make me smile. Thanks guys... from everything.. Siti and Afiqah! =)

Yet another goodbye's..

2009-02-27T23:01:00.002+08:00

I hate goodbye's but the memorise that i had is priceless... unless i have amnesia..no one can take that away...

Once a CPDian..always a CPDian...
I realise as time pass..me and ahmad have become closer than before.. i think it's because of the relationship..time.. sacrifice ..commitment...that we've build.. ok that commitment word.. i have yet to learn about that...

Besides.. he was always there for me, always beside me no matter what..ok except when he was having exams.. or working.. still, he would try his best to contact me.. i realise the song if i were a boy, by beyonce, haha! i dont need to be a boy.. ask ahmad.. haha! i was exactly like that.. never really bother.. i regretted doing so... unless neccesary, i won't treat ahmad that way ever.. i know it's hurtful..

It's killing me softly

2009-02-24T16:51:00.002+08:00

My job scope of what i do everyday when i enter office.

8.30am= sit down..switch on the computer
9.00am do certain job like filing or photocopying
10.00am by this time, i won't have anything to do..so i'll stare at the computer while falling aslp
10.30am still staring...or accidentaly falling aslp
11.00am decided to research on how to cure this stupid pimple of mine
11.30am reading the info given..(found out that pimpy cn be sured *winks*)
12.00pm wating for lunch
12.30pm still waiting for lunch
1.00pm finally! lunch..bt i'm saving up!
1.30pm sleeping..while dreaming of going home
2.00pm got slap back to reality that it's only half the day gone..
2.30pm dragging and hoping that i got work to do or suddenly the time swing so fast and it's 6...
3.00pm OMG.....when is this gonna end??!! my hair is turning grey..... T_T
3.30pm Go to tp website and chat...
4.00pm feel like suiciding to end the day...
4.30pm thinking of suiciding...
5.00pm Guess it's 1 more hour.. i can DO IT!!! YES I CAN! , no i'm not gonna suicide..
5.30pm i'm smiling and packing up
6.00pm SCan through the office but no one is getting their butts of their chairs..and i'm wondering why... " WHy people?WHY??!!!"
6.15pm FInALLY !!!! Off home..
7.00pm pack in the mrt like sardines, but reaching home..
7.30pm Home sweet home!! I walk back home that is why i took a long time.... ;)

PS; i can be shredding pappers from 8.30 to 5.30 ... T_T i know... by the time i finish shredding... where ever i go, the sound of it haunts me....

I'm a shredder...Fuzzyshredder

Happy 2ndyr anniversary

2009-02-21T00:54:00.004+08:00

I never thought we would last this long.. it's the beginning of our journey. This young man, Ahmad Fuad Bin Muhd Jauzi have shown me so much.. yeah..n now actually we're arguing... about the things that we did wrong and the things we can't agree about...
AND HE"S WORKING ON THAT FREAKING DAY. CRAP.

Pimpy is taking over my world!

2009-02-18T13:44:00.002+08:00

As I looked through the pictures, my face was so much cleaner than now.. and the difference was in a year..last year, my face was not totally clean..but at least is decent and normal..now my pimple is OMG..as you can see for yourself, my cheeks is covered with pimple. This outbreak of pimples happened after my mother passed on. I'm not very sure why..is it because that i was deppresed and sad and in the state of melancholy? or Is it just my hormonal change that had gone wrong. Some say maybe it's bacause of your menstrual cycle..but my mentrual cycle have been the way it is since i have it.. Though now it's slightly changing, but it's not changing to the bad side, instead it is to the positive side.

I suppose it's the hormonal change but it sucks.. really.. to have a face so rough and lots of marks..plus the new red shiny pimple that is made worst with the inflammation.. I just don't get it.. I do prick it at times, but only when it is itchy and time to pricked.. but i realise those that i didn't prick tend to leave a mark compared to the ones that i've pricked. I wonder why...This is totally different from what people normally experience. I so so need to go to the doctor.. Now i don't even dare to wear any make up. It made me feel worse.. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've tried lots and lots of creams or facial wash.. name any one of it.. none of it works... but so far i've stopped from using proacvtive because it's costly and too bad i don't have that capital to buy those expensive face wash that does not really help. It hurts to look in the mirror. To go out..I always felt outshinned because of my pimples and i know people will concentrate on my pimples rather than talking to me. Only ahmad and my family members know how difficult it is for me even then, my father always give those harsh comments, i hated it.

I shall be posting pictures of the retreat and my previous and current photos by tommorow or friday.. you should see the difference..it freaks me out everytime i look at it..i just hope that there's some kind of miracle that could help my pimple vanish permanently.

Woohoo..Retreat!! RETREAT!!

2009-02-17T09:33:00.002+08:00

If I was alone, I would have lost my way to The Substation...MAN!
Retreat!! retreat!...phewwww....BOMB!!!

Haha!! I went to Fort Canning's battlebox for the staff retreat yesterday..and I tell you, it was FUN! getting to feel how it was like during the war in the battle box itself..i was so mesmerised and immersed that i've forgotten to take pictures..aww damn! but i did take a few snapshots...

After the visit, we went playing amazing race!!! Been a awhile since i really run for time! It was real fun! I was wrong about the whole company... CPD is a fun group of people when they're out of the office! Including the director.. Cool Aint it?! I learn a lot yesterday..not just about the group work but also about my coulleges.. they're cool...I was laughing the whole day yesterday..the last time when I laugh the whole day..almost everyday of my life was when I was in school with my friends..especially during Art..and during our gathering with Firli..Iffa..Charace..Silva...

I almost forgot how to laugh..and that is the saddest thing on earth man!!

I want to laugh again..laugh my ass off.. i hate being sad.. emo..who likes that right? but sometimes you can't help but be sad...

Our group won the amazing race!! 1st placing! and during the pictionary part, it was hilarious people.. couldn't stop laughing even as i type, I'm smiling alone in the office..and there's a woman looking at me now...oh oh...! better close this window..

Ok back.. as I was saying.. yeap..it was raining when we were playing..so by the time the game ends, we were all drenched! we only played for 1 and a half hour but that felt good! had the best dinner at sakura international buffet over at orchard..then off we went back home.. with our stomach and hearts full..

COunting down till the end of my time here.. though yesterday was fun but I still can't wait to get out of here..because I'm doing nothing here..and that is not very nice..unless they have things for me to do.. I'll be pleased to stay..now i'm like falling asleep...and it's only 10 am in the morning... GOD!

My life would suck without you!

2009-02-15T22:44:00.005+08:00

Random title..very addictive song...by kelly clarkson!

Anyway haha!.. ahmad has a blog already... doubt he has anytime to update that though... I miss my friends.. yeah... miss them badly.. you guys know who you are..anyway.. i need an answer from nie soon.. scared as hell now.. True what lingz told me.. I'm more to the NIE there.. unknowingly I've made my choice.. but..I'm just afraid to expect too much.. and in the end fall harder.. you know what I'm saying. Change my blogskin because i find the other one boring already... i left the tagboard because there's no use to it... that lily allen song is vulgar but i think it suits the whole thing.. hehe! I'll change it soon..

attended interview

2009-02-12T09:11:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was my interview day..and to my shock only 7 including me were there... i was thinking that maybe there are more to come because as you know people might be late..but as i waited and waited.. till it's my turn for the interview, there were no sign that anymore of them is coming.. and when I glanced at the namelist, I saw only a few names... honestly speaking it was freaky.. furthermore people who attended seemed calm and confident...unlike me.. so clumsy and i really didn't know what i said during the interview but i think well.. i don't know.. i didn't felt nervous but i missed out certain key points that i've rehearsed at home.. like one of the question was... so... what inspire you to be a teacher... i've forgotten to mention about how my mom taught me and how i've open up my mind to teach when i met those T-Net kids...

Well I can't lie and said that well i'm really there because I have passion in teaching.. well not exactly.. not as a whole reason.. part of why i chose to try out the interview is... I was thinking .. if i'm to be in a design course, i wouldn't have time to work..correct people? I've seen how my friends who are in design courses can be.. very hectic schedule.. need a lot of commitment... sure i love to be a designer.. but I'm worried about my school fees and my daily allowance... nobody is going to support for my daily allowance even if I receive full subsidy for my school fees.. so if i attend this Diploma for teaching, my school fees would be fully supported by MOE and i will receive $800 monthly allowance, of course.. with that I'm also signing a 5 year bond with NIE/MOE..but hey! that's not bad.. because in that 5 years I'll be secured a job... that would certainly help.. in my situation.. of course people would ask me.. are you sure you want to teach for your whole life??
Ans. well yeah.. i have to choose this path.. I can't afford for my daily allowance and my hp bills.. NObody is going to support me.. i can't depend on my brother because he's already carrying so many loads... i don't want to add burden to him... and as for my father.. i can't say anything... he's living his life and not working.. so I wouldn't want to disturb him either.. It's been quite sometime that he didn't support us ..so it doesn't really make any difference...besides..i want to do something right in my life.. i want to be somebody to someone...teaching can certainly help me attain that...teaching is not a boring job.. might be tiring but i think it's worth it...
ANd i certainly am planning to further my studies and not just stop at having a diploma.. i want to achieve more.. and through this path, i think it would be better...
SO people . i hope and pray that i'll get this..kalau tak..tkpe la... I'll redha, bkan rezeki.. maybe there's more exciting things for me.

Dilemma

2009-02-05T23:07:00.002+08:00

I remembered last year..exactly after the JAE result is out.. I was nowhere... LOst..and broken...i was totally demoralised and depressed..all my friends is out there venturing their courses and schools for orientation and yet I have nowhere to go... I cried almost everytime i think about it..I applied for all the appeals...JAE, JPSAE..DAE DPA... name anyone of it..ive tried it all.. absolutely all....even my previous manager help me to write to RP to recommend me to be a student there.. but NOO.. no reply frm them... RP is just not for me i guess.. i personally go there give my appeal form and stuff... but no news from them either..Last year was the worst year for me..it's even the year when i start my pimple breakout! like all over my face.. freaky aint it?

This year.. suddenly i see the the light has been switched on, sudden;y i can the pathway that i'm about to walk...(my pimple is still here) but... things are different now.. I..especially thank all my friends..my dear friends who persuade me to retake my O's.. because of that... now I got thru the Jae and being accepted by Tp for environment design...I am soo soo thankful to God for that! and for all the berkat doa and my beloved friends motivations that kept me going.. Being the typical Singaporean me.. i was kiasu and applied for all the appeals again before i know about the result.. I didn't appeal for Np or Rp..didn't have time to... I even apply for NIe teaching scheme.. and guess what.... i'm shortlisted for an interview.. ok i know I've been telling this to everyone.. not to show off or whatever.. so not interested to be that.. just want advise so that i didnt make the wrong decision..But seriously i felt happy that I'm wanted.. I'm being accepted by the poly's that i've tried appealling for.. hehe!! feel so wanted u know.. Being rejected for 1 yr is enough to bring me totally totally depress..

OK .. ok.. the thing is.. people.. advise me what I'm to do.. either to pay 30 bucks and attend the interview.. and if i'm accepted, my schl fees is paid and i'll be a teacher in future! my childhood ambition! or
to stick with tp...my dream poly...
or to just be open and try to go for interview and see how??
Please advise my dear friends or whoever reads this blog..
with regards!
Fuzzy

Finally

2009-02-02T00:26:00.002+08:00

Finally i see the bright light shinning!! I thank god!! Alhamdulillah!!
Today my hp is not working again...I think it's my line and not my hp.. hmm.. i haven't pay the bills! maybe thats it! Hah.. Tp here i come!

kampung

2009-01-28T22:08:00.002+08:00

Balek kampong!! Woah..i miss that place.. so many memorise...i was away from home longer than expected though..and to lingz..i'm really sorry... something cropped up and really.. sorry...Well it sure is nice to meet my buyud(gr8 grandma)..k then toodles!

ticking clock

2009-01-23T02:07:00.003+08:00

You know those days when you have too many things too think about that you somehow can't let your eyes to rest.. even though you're tired og thinking about it.

You know those days when you can't sleep and you felt so lonely, nobody is there to accompany you..except songs from your mp3.

God... I'm really not sure what to do. I can't draw..just don't feel like.. I certainly don't feel like reading.. surfing the net? well i'm doing it almost everyday. The boyfriend is sleeping..of course he have to attend to school tommorow, so unlike me.. i'm so dumb. (deep sigh)

The results will be out on the 30th ..I'm certain that it's going to be the same as last year... Rejected cases.. Irgh...I'm going to make sure that i end up somewhere this year..To be honest I'm not immune to rejections just yet.. But somehow I am.. hmm i don't know what I'm talking about now.. contradictions after contradictions.. I'm not upset over the results I'm just pissed.. ok isn't that the same..Really...

OK i need a job.. quickly..

Fuzzy muddlehead is beginning to realise the meaning of hardworking.

All i ever wanted

2009-01-20T01:16:00.002+08:00

K before i even continue..this post is going to be emo..confused .. me...

All i ever wanted was...

to make you smile
to be in a school
to be studying
to have lots and lots of friends but yet to have my bestest friends with me
to balance everything in my life
to be patient
to have someone by my side always... even at random times..
to run!!!! as faaar! as possible!!!
to volunteer my service to learn about myself..
to understand myself..
to have freaking enough money
to have flawless skin!
to have family unity..like we used to have...i miss those days..
to be there for my friends

I just don't understand certain things..i don't understand what i want..i really need to search my soul.. I'm happy that things is getting better with friends though...Irgh i totally have no life now.. I NEED TO WORK!! I'll go crazy if i don't find a job soon!

Vandalised

2009-01-17T18:14:00.001+08:00

My First Edited Photo!!

Thanks to iffa who introduce me to picnic.. hehe! this photo..i'm going to title it

VANDALISM..

I'm so going to edit more pics!!

merry go round

2009-01-13T00:20:00.000+08:00

And history repeats itself.... CRAP....

random

2009-01-08T12:31:00.001+08:00

12/01/09

After 2pm

@))(

2009-01-03T11:38:00.002+08:00

2009.. I'm going to be 19 this year!

Well.. i think everybody have their especially hard time this year..
For me personally.. yeah.. a lot of things happen this year..just hope it's going to be better.. please.. i have no fantastical ideas about this year.. neither am i hoping to have a fantabulous year.. i know somethings will of course.. not turn the way we wanted to. Just hope nothing too drastic.. sometimes..i know i shouldn't say this.., but i'm tired.. really.. i've been watching ..i've been waiting in the shadows for my time... I've been searching.. i've been living for tomorrows all my life..

I just hope i could sustain and keep what i have now ok? family.. friends.. hamster.. i need them...happy new year..

what iff

2009-01-01T22:15:00.005+08:00

My last day over at my work place.. been a really great time there.. Man i'll miss those people there.. they were really nice people...nice environment to work in.

I also met my two buddies.. hehe!! fun day! raining gum ball! We watched bed time stories..how i wosh those could be true in real life.. hah! well i have a hamster.. wonder if that could ever work..hmm? haha!

To mabel.. erm.. this weekend.. i culdn't.. I'm sorry.. i have other plans...

what happened after that

2008-12-27T23:55:00.006+08:00

Prolly you would be wondering what happened after that.. well.. after the 6 police came, we just settled there and then..Nothing more...It's a one thing event anyway.. no point pursuing..unless things happen again.. besides if we pursue this matter it would only end back at us..Well this people are revengefull type of people..I know them too well...These, pictures, are the aftermath of the event. By the way.. NOw i'm feeling very restless.. something is wrong but I don't know what. I hope grandma is alright..I've already lost one grandma.. it would be hard losing another one..especially the fact that i'm closer to this maternal grandma of mine.. Ouh Allah.. please ..please ....

kena box

2008-12-25T11:02:00.004+08:00

Yesterday... was the day.. i learnt that I'm not safe anymore. Before this i was always so stubborn, always going back late at night.. Always egoistic..and always thought that nothing will ever happen to me and there's always my neighours..but i was proven wrong altogether.

Yesterday i met ahmad. He came to my house.. thought of going to the movies but somehow it was rainning and I just suddenly don't feel like to. I felt like something is about to happen. I just thought maybe it's the 'well tmr im not working' feel. I 'm not very sure how to explain it. Well anyways... We just sat at the staircase as per normal. We talked..we laughed.. Then it's 10.45pm ..so Ahmad was about to go off.. i took his bag from my house..but while i was taking his bag.. my neighbour who was sitted at the 12 floor staircase..who is already drunk look at me..giving me the pervetic look. He looked at me..while i was going inside my house.. when i was out of the house and was going down the staircase..again he looked at me that way. I just ignore it but suddenly while i was giving ahmad's bag to him and while ahmad was asking me whether i dropped anything.. this drunk neighbour.. called me.. i looked at him.. he spouted nonsense..something which i can't interprete..i ask again what he wanted.. this time.. i know something wrong is going to happen but still i tried to think positively and asked what he wanted.. i think he didnt saw ahmad..at that point of time.. as he was on the 12 floor and we were at 11th floor. The third time he asked..ahmad tried asking.. he saw ahmad..and his reaction was totally changed. Suddenly so angry and furios.. By that time.. we realised that he actually wanted me to pick up his handphone, which he dropped and was exactly infront of him.. the third time..both of use ask what he wanted.. he suddenly rose up and wanted to fight.. spouting vulgar words like as if we did something wrong to him.

He went down and without any reason hitted me.. no.. he came up to us..and punched my face... one hard punch.. on my left cheek.. that i was considered lucky that i was able to turn my head, my head suddenly went blank.. then ahmad tried to protect me at the same time hitting him back.. i was in the middle trying to stop the fight..i pushed ahmad.. i pushed him to the floor.. but he managed to grab my shirt.. (the thing about me is.. i hate to touch people..so i really don't know why even at that point of time, i was disgusted to touch him..and so i didn't punch him back or hit him when i could. Especially when he grabbed my shirt.) Then he called his brother.. but instead of cooling down the situation, which he did in the first place, end up in the fight as well.. so i shouted for my father.. "ABAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and i think i shouted too loudly.. i wake the neighbours up.. at the same time, ahmad's nose was already bleeding...my father came down...and suddenly.. my father was being hit ...so he hitted the drunk guys' brother.. well.. me, where was i.. am not quite too sure.. i know i was being hit 3 times... it was kind of a stupid move.. because instead of running for shelter.. i thought i was able to stop the fight... haha! when i realised things were a bit out of hand.. i called for my brother... while calling the police..before i could even explain things to my brother, he suddenly ran out.. and jumped to the two brothers...because they were hitting my father and ahmad.. i called the police.. and this stupid police, asked my address for three times.. stupid..even after i told him so... police are slow man! they even came 10 mins after the situation cooled off..people could die there!.. weapon was involved.. the drunk man hit my father with this folded umbrella.. until the head of the umbrella came off... this drunk man tried to stab my brother with that sharp thing.. my brother grabbed him and didnt let go..grab his hand and was about to break it my brother didnt let go of it for about three minutes..he demand them to apologise to me.... then things cool off ..slightly.. then the drunk man's brother brought him up.. it was a bloody situation.. my brother and ahmad was already bleeding.. in the middle of it.. i spouted nonsense .. really..can't remember what i said.. but i was scolding that stupid man.. demanding him to stay and telling him that if he tried to go further, I'm going to make things worst..beacuse I'm a girl.. and police is already on the way..i scolded them as if they were my cadets.. really... haha! weird thing is.. i didn't have any bruises.. well.. simple reason three guys were there to take those bruises!! haha!! my cheek still hurt a bit.. but I'm still not satisfied..

Because we're neighbours..I've been here all my life..and them... for about 5 years or so.. we're good neighbours... and they were only celebrating christmas.. there's this one point where the aci.. the mother of this two man.. came down and she scolded my father..blame me for starting this whole situation.. (we always helped the aci.. even my mom used to help her even with her conditon.. money wise.. lend a helping hand when his son went lost, his 40 plus year old son!...) We never ask for anything in return.. we never ask her for help.. NEVER! I understand she's a mother.. but she should know better... After this i would never help her again.. ORANG TAK HARUS.. TAK PAYAH NAK BAGI MUKE... I'm freaking angry with that aci..and i forever will be angry... we helped her so much..

For girls who love to come back home late.. this is a wake up call.. i was lucky that ahmad was there.. and it's outside my house... and they're my neighbours.. what happen if i'm alone.. I could have been raped... even if it's outside my house.. Lucky no one pulled my hair.. i tell u..if anyone were to pulled my hair.. i would be freaking pissed off! and i'll swear i'll make that person's hair BE GONE! I'm freaking serious about this.. because I'm already losing my hair..and trying all kinds of ways to retain it.. and there you are pulling my hair.. that person is going to be botak if he ever were to pulled my hair..I swear upon my mom that.

I still felt so unsatisfied for not hitting the person who hitted me. He's a big size man... and lucky he was drunk if his not prolly he'll give his 100% punching me.. i think I'll be knocked off by then.. haha! I hate people who are drunk! and i'll never look at guys who are drunk the same way ever again.. i mean i'll be more protective...and i will never look at my neighbour the same way again! I'm not being anywhere racist yesterday..i CAN'T IMAGINE IF i'M RACIST..prolly i'll pursue this matter to court.. and order protection order.. this happen once.. this could happen again!.. They're indians.. don't get me wrong. i don't have anything against Indians it's just happen to be that all my indian neighbours who went drunk, would be aggressive.. i hate that.. so girls.. remember.. i won't be out late at night ever.. and i'm going to prepare chilli padi spray... for protection sake..

The action whereby he punched my cheek is still replaying inside my head.. On repeat mode.. Please somebody.. stop it off.. What a great christmas present...! MERRY CHRISTMAS PEOPLE!

Emo post

2008-12-23T23:22:00.002+08:00

Well..I'm going to post something really emo.. because I'm listening to 'my immortal'.. and things have not working well for me. First well.. my hair.. is really falling off.. second.. my pimples.. those of you who have pimples crawling all over your face would understand what i mean..those who doesn't have..stop saying we're over reacting.. and stop judging because you don't know how it feels like.

They say today is a gift..well..yeah kind of.. glad i'm still breathing but not so much of a gift there. Everyday is the same. Wake up.. work.. go home... dinner.. and sleep. I'm pretty much like an adult.. and i miss school. I miss my friends.. no doubt i made great friends there..but still... i miss school.

What's really been going on is.. the other time.. while i was talking to Ahmad on the phone.. i heard his mom.. nagging.. don't get me wrong.. i'm not complaining.. suddenly i love hearing people nag. I miss people nagging at me and telling me something is wrong. I miss those shouts.. I miss her. Somehow if Ahmad were to nag at me, I would shut him off.. such complicated girl i am. I guess.. I only accept a mother's nag..

red eyes

2008-12-21T14:39:00.004+08:00

Reddy reddy!

What happens if you're bored..plus it's in the middle of the night..plus your sister is there?

equals to.. Crazy and unpredictable behaviour.

Though my sister and me shared the same room, we hardly meet each other.

I wake up and she's asleep and vice-versa.

It was nice to catch some valuable time with her.

Love you sis!

OMG ...

2008-12-19T23:22:00.002+08:00

Twilight and harry porter.. what's the similarities? robert pattinson!!

Remember Cedric? Cedric Diggory in harry porter? Harry porter and the Goblet of fire...

Ok I know for some of you..probably you knew it already but i'm just too happy because when i saw his face, i found it freaking familiar but couldn't make out who..finally! i got it.. felt so satisfied u know!

Picts!!!!!!

2008-12-18T00:01:00.007+08:00

Above picture is well.. a friend of mine.. guess a model to be ey?
This is his bike that me and fina borrowed.. nak pose lah sikit kan.. berangan skali sekale..

Another Model to be..haha!! i just think that this pict is nice..the pict not the person
No offence there!

My my..the result of my C905 ehe!

Fina..me n..er...hmm.. menyebok btol lh mamat ni..

Lust

Beautiful skyline view over at marina barrage

Hey..this last guy... here..save the best for the last.. my one and only Ahmad!

OOooooo 2009 is like 2 wks away

2008-12-16T14:37:00.000+08:00

ooooo! 2009 is like two weeks away! That's like freaking fast!

Anyway..i was pretty pissed off with the weekend job.. I just can't stand people being racist. who the hell they think they are man! i mean like seriously! IRGH! If u want to be racist soo much then don't live in Singapore.. i understand that Chinese is the majority here but that doesn't mean you are any better.. This is not China or India or Malaysia.. like hello! this is a MULTI RACIAL country FOR GOODNESS SAke!With all due respect I don't hold anything against any races here..I'm a malay myself..and i have lots of multi racial friends.. and ..AND! i love my chinese friends.. I'm so disgusted with this particular person, really.. I can't believe there is still such kind of person in this country. What a disgrace.

Anyway enough with that sickening job.. I'll try looking for others.. in the meantime..i'll try not to show my frustration so much..Luckily..I got to meet my friends.. It was an interesting day.. we went to the Marina Barrage and whoa! the view there was breath taking..ok not so much la but seeing the skyline was nice.. people you should go there.. people who want to pat tor(pardon me if it's wrongly spelled).. you should bring your partnr there..seriously people..I'll update the picts soon la..just couldn't get my hands on the computer for the past few days...i mean after 1 whole day of staring at the computer.. the last thing that you would do when you reach home after a long day at work is to switch that computer again...it's just so sickening..Currently now..i'm sitted in the office.. doing nothing because i got nothing to do..

Weird dreams and happy tots

2008-12-11T09:35:00.000+08:00

OKay.. i dreamt about Hazlinda having a blond hair and acting very bitchily.
My goodness Haz.. I really wonder how come the sudden dream of you. Really. Makes me wonder..okay that was two days ago..and yesterday..i dreamt about Fina and ducks.. My goodness what's wrong with me?? Maybe I just miss my friends..

Anyway...ehe! Firli's belated birthday celebration... Yeah i'll post those picts soon.. Btw really had an awesome day! Besides the fact that one person is MIA.. other than that it was great! and guys.. on mon aitz! Sunset and kfc..

Having a belated birthday date with mad on sat..meeting lingz on fri..and working at downtown east on sun.. and mon..meeting my awesome idiotic friends!!and camwhoring session is on!

I've been having this thoughts of going..just out of curiosity and well for the sake of being legally 18.. i want to go and see how is it like in a club...Most prolly like Ahmad said.. i would hate it.. well.. i just want to see..but of course.. i don have the time to. Haha! Ade Hikmah disebalik segale ape yang terjadi gitu loh..so NAH!!I'll just shudder those funny thoughts man!

Cloud 9

2008-12-02T20:19:00.004+08:00

It's a plane.. it's a bird!!? No it's the cloud shaped like one

Soaring high..up in the sky!

This two below are my favourite~!

Menenangkan jiwaku

This are a few of the pictures that are taken using my handphone..Just thought of sharing.

Till now, i don't know how to edit photos..None of my photos are edited.. so it looks a bit too raw at times. Anyway..Happy Birthday ahmad! hah!

I'm sorry it was kindda belated.. It was suppose to be on the 29 of november.. but things didn't went right..especially the fact that my pay isn't out yet, destroyed all the plans that I've made.

Hopefully I'll be seeing my bitchy friends soon. I'll make it up to Ahmad soon.. and to yiling.. and to my bitchy friends... been a long time friends..Heeh! I hate the fact that I couldn't tag people at times because they're using other types of tag boards other than cbox.. People.. really seriously.. i really want to tag but because I couldn't so I didn't!

My Pimpies is taking over my face.. so the next time you see me, don't be suprised to see my face covered with pimples.. URGH i hate it.. but I can't really do anything..it's hormones.. I'm growing up!..My body seemed to go haywire.. really wonder why...hmm... Nah.. namind!

Hopefully it would be alright soon.

terhempit

2008-11-30T12:19:00.002+08:00

I'm really stuck in the middle lah.. haish.. I'm back to the place where i used to be. No matter how i tried to prevent it from happening or tried to ignore.. Sometimes.. there's always soo much i could do.. TRy to understand.. i try to make a move just to stay in the game, I try to stay awake and remember my name.. but everybody's changing.. and i dont feel the same...

Please.. mana nye kawan nak tngok kawan rapat dier gadduh...and the fact that i couldn't do much, sucks.. really.. betol tersempit..haish..

Smarties

2008-11-21T21:12:00.002+08:00

My goodness.. though last year highest score for Psle was higher than this year's.. but i think this year there's a lot of them getting 260++.. +_+ I'm soo gonna be dead...

Man i remember during my time... kids that age wouldn't be soo concern...ok only minorities.. what happen during these years man?? they evolve to become so mature to know what they want. How i wish i was that matured. I'm telling you... it's going to be damn difficult to get a decent job in the future.. say next olympic.. where am I going to be standing..?

Having dilemma..should i stay or should i go..?

Lucky...

2008-11-21T20:58:00.002+08:00

Lucky I'm in love with my bestfriend...lucky to have been where i have been...
You make it easier when life gets hard..
Lucky to have been where I have been..

21 months consistent.. after 21 feb..

Thank You Ahmad..

crap im hating this

2008-11-18T13:41:00.000+08:00

OK..i hate it when people keep asking me abt school.
And in addition to that, they love to assume. crap lah.. I can't help it anymore.

I tried to explain myself. But no one listens anymore. NO one.

haish.. so i guess.. i have to follow with the lie?? or should i really really really make myself clear. but they dont listen.. hw?

Anyway my long waited phone, c905, is here now.. but i've been thinking, it's too expensive. SHould i buy now or wait for the value to decrease.

haish

I'm going through the whole process yet again... my auntie is very sick right now. Cancer again..and this time her cancer have gone up to her brains.. my Allah..

I'm very close with my aunties..they are like my god mothers...

They're just like my mother.. no doubt they look almost the same.

Being around them felt like I'm with my mom. Except that it's moms..

Hope she's ok there.. hang in there bibik.. cabaran dariNYA ade hikmahnye...kesabaran dan keyakinan ke atasNYA adalah satu satunye jalan yang patut kite tuju.. Ulin sentiase doa kan yang terbaik ke atas bik dan keluarga..

BACK

2008-11-14T21:48:00.002+08:00

AHax.. I thought i told you guys that I'm on hiatus..

Anyway..how's my life so far?? Been greaT! I suppose..Now .my goal in life, is simple.. to be simple!

I don't really know why i complain a lot.. The reason why I'm on hiatus is well..I just felt that i need to change and remember to breath. But somehow i failed.

It's true what people have been telling me that, i think and say too much and no actions done. I harp on things too much..and i love to blame others except myself..That's basically it about myself.

I've always think that my problem is the worst in the world. Which is bulltaik..I know it's not. BUt deep deep deep inside me always think likewise.

I'm sorry that I've always been saying the same old thing over and over again..

I admire and envy people who can put their mind to the things that they do. I just don't want to give up on my life. That's why I'm so desprate to change before my thirst for sympathy gets bigger.

Besides just thinking, I was busy with work lah.. no..not at TNET anymore.. This time..at CDC and i have A LOT of things to do. BUSY! But i LIKE! at least time somehow is shorter that way.

I was suppose to work at a logistic company...but they took too long to decide when..So I just move on.

Anyway, my face..is getting from bad..to worst! Im serious.. and I'm nt over reacting.

And yesterday..i saw her.. I looked at her, my heart skipped..should I or should I not? I finally did after such a long time decided to SMILE! and guess what she did...

she rolled her eyes!!!! and she give me the ' you're the last person I wanna see today ' face. WTH! this is the reason why I hate initiating the smile!

just suddenly i'm loving the song..let's see how far we've come by matchbox twenty.. I've always love rob thomas..!

im stupid

2008-10-24T11:15:00.002+08:00

Lesson learnt today..

Today is my maths paper.. the paper tt I've been practising.. day, night.. weeks.. months..sad to say.. i failed it.. i totally failed it..

It's not difficult.. in fact it was the most easiest paper i've ever seen.. and that is the reason why I failed it.. it's too easy.. and I forgot how.. and.. because I'm such a numb-skull, I couldn't do it properly because the night before I wasn't able to sleep. I was too nervous and scared that I couldn't wake up the next morning and so i got insomnia. I totally lost it... haiz..

Paper 2.. no hope also.. but I'll try.. I'll try harder.. but I'll make sure I SLEEP before exam.
I can't afford to fail this paper again... haish.. why am i so dumb

Mr M=Marriage!

2008-10-20T14:41:00.002+08:00

Our Dear Mr Isham is getting married like finally! SO anyone who used to be in 5n1 art class and used to be thought by him, PLEASE do come!! It would be on a Sunday 26 of oct 08.. near ys mrt station..opp the petrol station... more details, pls ask yi ling!

Farewell T net

2008-10-16T15:37:00.000+08:00

Today is my last day here.. SAd but true. My stay here..have been wonderful. There were times when all that i talked about Tnet was complaints complaints and more complaints..but if i like something.. means I'm active.. means I bother..when i complain means I like. If not, I'm indifferent about it. Means I won't complain..

My goodness. I'm soo going to miss the kids here.. 11 months.. I've been here.. Although..I'm just a temp staff, and for a reason or two..I'm thankful that I'm just a temp staff. Better. The kids now have no idea..today is my last day. I don't think that will affect them either. But it affect me.. Sometimes.. if I don't see them for a week or two, I'll miss them.. Now I'm not going to see them ever. *deep deep sigh*

I've yet to get Ah law anything. Simple reason, I'm tight on budget. I just want to thank him. For everything. All that he said was true. Some how at the end of my stay here, I'll find the reason why Tnet is here now. I'm sure going to remember this place. So many things happen this year..and I'm at Tnet..of course i can remember!

My.my. I'm going to miss them soo badly.. they're like my brothers and sisters..shyte!

Bye bye Tnet

Happy birthday Fina

2008-10-15T14:07:00.001+08:00

To my dear friend Fina(although she doesnt read my blog), Happy Birthday girl! Can go club already..haha!! We celebrated her birthday at the karaoke..as per normal.. hehe!

To be honest, I've planned for her birthday.. 3 months before..but due to capital shortage, we just leave it to the KISS formule to save us..

Fina.. fina...i knew her since.. i'm 9 years old.. till i'm primary six.. then we lost contact.. then we were in contact back eversince she joined Kfc in 2005..I was already working there when I saw her name enlisted in the roster.. I thought.. ouh well yet another new staff.. then she came and TADA! it was like ..we last met the day before.. the gaps.. doesn't matter.. we were talking about our yesterdays..then Natasha joined KFC.. and till now..we're friends..we have went through a lot together.. ok maybe not so.. but yeah.. we went thru things together. Those moments where we sing on top of the KFc after our job..everyday... we never cried together.. bt hey.. we've seen each other crying..

Fina.. well others may see her as this very garang girl.. she looks garang.. hehe! but i think she's the ever softhearted person i know.. hehe.. she's a nice friend.. a crazy one too! but well. one thing i like about her... she dislikes drinking..no.. she hates drinkers.. strange as it seems because she looks like one minah who love to this kind of thing.. but.. looks are deceiving.. she haven't even enter a club.. just like me! I think the most ever bad thing she ever did was and still is.. smoking and that's about it!

We're soo alike in a lot of ways.. only that she's a libra.. im a virgo.. and natasha..pieces.. hehe! hehe! yeah so that's fina..ANyway.. happy birthday..oopss! happy belated birthday! Amcm bile mau gi?

AND! AND!! i saw NURUL!!!!!!! NURUL IRFUNNY! HAHA!! BEEN A REAL LONG TIME! really long! ehe!! i was estatic when i saw her! well she didn't change.. not a bit! ok maybe a bit.. she's slightly different..maybe not in the mood? heeh! I'm just hopping to see more of my loong lost friends.. and I'm going to Malaysia to see my great grandmother..hope she's alright there! SHe's very cute i tell u! Like Finally! I'm going out of Singapore.. I need a getaway.. even for just awhile..yeah.. from fri to sat.. hee! My my.. i soo miss the kampung sey!!

DEAd..Im done for!

2008-10-05T15:08:00.000+08:00

I did something very very bad! Stupid callous mistake.. CRaP!! it can cost my job! and not only mine.. oh god.. oh no! Ya Allah please help me... please...

My hump my lump

2008-10-05T13:58:00.001+08:00

I was so shocked to see my hamster.. having a lump on it. Crap! i was soo afraid for fear it being very painful and it might die from it. Like she's having a begok(a lump/mump that will sore.. at the neck area). I was bathing it when suddenly i felt a lump below it's ball shaped body. I though it was my finger or what.. but it's not. So i overturned it and my it's huge! So this morning..i went to the vet with the help of my bro's gf. The vetenarian said that it can't be help it's either an infection or just fats which is highly unlikely or worst.. it could be cancer! i was like WHaaaT!!! @#$% NO!! not my Betina! SO poor thing! But he also said that my hamster is so far healthy and fat! That's probably because it basically eat what we eat. ANyway..hamster has a short lifespan.. so even if he were to do anything, it might kill the hamster instead of curing it. but now my hamster is like so fragile. I wonder how come it still can run here and there like the whole world is hers. I envy her. If i have something like that, I'll just cry my way through. Thinking I'm going to die.. and not make the best of it while I can.

The vetenarian also said that my Betina doesn't seem to be in pain. You know he was literally SQUEEZING! the lump.. I was like please please don't do that! but he replied..no you see she's not in pain. She's just irritated with it. and he continues to POKE and squeeze while saying " see..it's not in pain.. if it is, it would have squeek! but it didn't which means it's not in pain! She's very playful and happy!" I was like.. GOD!! get your hands off her right now MR!! of course i didn't say that..but i did intend to. SO my hamster may have a cancer. or an infection.. all because i neglected it for awhile because i was busy. I love it. Really do.. just that Betina was kind of unintended. I never intended to have anymore hamster after the last died. I used to have a total of six. not all at once... one after another..i grieved over my lost hamsters. So I was kind of over it. I just don't want to feel hurt again.. Suddenly Betina came.. because a Tnet member left his hamster here and never came back. ANd i took her back home.. out of sympathy. All of us loved her. Just that if i were to compare..I don't love her as much as i did with my other hamsters.. and for that.. i'm guilty. She's just different and I should accept that right?

Alright.. I've also learned..going to a vet is not as expensive as I thought it would. Means from now on! I'll visit the vet more often..and! and!! the vetenarian! is ouh! so ..charming! haha! I'll be there in a month time! pray for my hamster!!and pray that he's still there!!hehe!! (mentel eh fazlin)

And soon I'm gonna go on Hiatus because ..I kindda lost interest in blogging lately.. So Chaoz people!

Salam Lebaran

2008-10-03T14:24:00.000+08:00

Kepade semua umat Islam, Selamat hari lebaran.

I know my post is a little late. I was busy. Again, I couldn't post pictures. My comp is still down. Anyway the first day of raya was a sad one. All of us woke up late because we were busy preparing the night before. So we decided not to follow the aunties as it would be troublesome. I couldn't stop crying the night before. I woke up only to find myself crying again. There's something special that night though. It is believe that the arwah would come back on malam raya. I know this sounds a little too unbelievable but I choose to believe it. While I was standing by the corridor just looking up at the sky. Tears rolled down my cheeks without me realising. There's something about that night but I can't make it out what it is. Maybe it's true.. Maybe my mom was there. With me.

I dreamt about her but I really couldn't remember what. I tried and tried but to no avail. I was frustrated just trying too hard to remember. I guess it's one dream which I really look forward to next year. Or in fact everytime I sleep. That night was really special and I can't put it to words how special it is.

When it's time to ask for forgiveness from my father and siblings, all of us just cried before saying anything. It was the saddest moment. The house is not lively anymore. Not like how it used to. After that we proceed to the muslim cemetry to visit our mom and my paternal grandmother. Then to my maternal grandmother's house then to one more house before proceeding back home. Seriously, the feeling is just different. Even with my makcik..They're different.

All in all i expected this before. I'm just happy that I've cleaned and paint my side of the room. I don't care about my sister's side.. She wants it that way and so be it.

Okay la.. Hari raya is still hari raya! I know no amount of tears would bring anything back to normal I was just sad that's all. SO hey my friends if you wanna come my house just inform me!! If I'm at home then you can come larh! ^_^! if not.. next year! hah! Selamat hari Raya Aidilfitri Maaf Zahir dan Batin.

Guess what!? House=Mess

2008-09-28T14:35:00.001+08:00

Up till NOW! My freaking house is still in mess. I tell you the specific reason why 2 weeks is not enough. It is because my freaking siblings are not helping in anyway!(lucky im nt fasting, klo tk da batal da!) Sometimes I wonder why ..seriously why.. i bother so much when they don't. I thought in the beginning "ouh well..2 weeks is more than enough! which is true! IF MY SIBLINGS HELPED! too bad. Only me and my father so this is the result. I don't have the whole day everyday. I'm working..I reach at home at 10 plus..bath and such so end up i'll start work at 2am.. dont ask me why i took such a long time..got other things to do. Then I'll start then stop only at 6 or all the way till 11 am.. then proceed to work.. then the cycle continues..everyday. Of course sometimes I fell asleep before starting or I spent time talking to Ahmad. Either ways, that was my resting time. When I'm at work, either I play with these kids or do my studies. I have to do both but sometimes I just too tired to do either.

All I'm asking is for my sibling to give a damn. To care and not to pretend that nothing is happening. All of us are tired. My sister complained that she was tired, yes I do understand that but, like i said all I'm asking for is for them to give a damn. The very least to help my ageing my father. He nearly fell the other day fixing things at home. I'm not at home 24/7 and sometimes I need to meet friends to talk. I'm the kind of person who can't keep to myself so I need to share. So yeah! There's something called teamwork or shift for goodness sake! Irgh I'm just so angry. Ahmad says I shouldn't care too much about them and just complete what i have to. Believe it or not I tried! But i failed because it just aches so much when there you are cleaning and geting dirty. All your sibling does is ..walk here and there to take food and back to their room.. and worst not even at home. As you expected.. I wished my mom was here..she's a wonder woman in disguise. Haish I shall end my post here. I feel terrible now. My energy all drenched out just by being frustrated. So .. take care! Just hope everything would be alright soon.

Anyway.. if anyone is interested in working.. or in desperate of money please inform me. I have a job to recommend you. Well it is at the town side but the working hours is flexible. You'll be working in a boutique la..so .. it's under sales..Means you have a target to meet.

$ more days!

2008-09-26T20:02:00.001+08:00

Haiyo.. and so yet again my house is still in a mess. Lucky my father is also into cleaning. If not I'll be dead doing it all alone. Anyway he added a few things in the kitchen like the cooker hood. Wee. Means.. I can cook without having to remove the hanging clothes (as to prevent from the odour that emits from cooking, and well this odour would be stuck to these damp clothes if not removed)

And! for sure, I'll be making at the very least my own kueh tart. I dislike tarts that are made by others..,ok by some, all because I've grown up with the food that my mom provides me and of course i prefer those food rather than others. Actually..i don't have the recipe.. hehe.. How? Well.. my mom told me once how to make it. Too bad i have such a bad memory but lucky me, I have my bibik!(auntie)She make tarts using my mom's recipi! So it's the same. Told you that i don't dislike all.. just some.

I regretted not asking for all the recipies from my mom..guess i'll pick up on my own. But ..ok nevermind I know those who read my posts are tired of me saying about my mom..but hey try..losing someone you love and you know how i feel like. It's like everything you do reminds you of her no matter what. Especially a mom. Someone who is the closest to you. It may not be physically but you can't deny this special bond that a mother and a child have. Don't get me wrong, I was very very close with my mom. She practically knew everything about me. I can share anything with her and for that I'm really thankful, I have no regrets(ok maybe some)but hey people makes mistakes. Working here, makes me appreciate my family more.

$ more days!

2008-09-26T20:02:00.000+08:00

It's coming..

2008-09-25T14:02:00.000+08:00

5 more days and my house is still in total mess. Argh! sometimes it's just so irritating to try so hard when people don't even bother. Why should i bother? That, I really couldn't answer. In my family, I'm the only one who bothers so much about the house and I don't even know why. Maybe it's because I'm a virgo. According to the books, Virgo's are normally a perfectionist. I'm not sure if I'm one but there is also this point which i find that it's true. That i love to discriminate things or whatever without looking at myself first. Well that is true.

So 5 more days people. I've bought my clothes. I only bought one this year. Actually I don't even want to buy it's just so not worth it. I'll most probably would be wearing that once. My sister insisted and so i follow what she says anyway I fell in love with that baju the first time i saw it. It's just so fresh. I bought that for a hundred. My sis clothes is.. woah.. she have a nice petite body which suits anything plus, her sweet face is a bonus. It's looks nice on her. That cost around one fifty, that is after discount, but i think is worth it. It looks perfect on her. Like it was made for her.( plus the fact that we're in a hurry)

It's just soo irritating that the desktop at home is still not working and i couldn't post pictures! IRGH! i itch to post pics! ANyway people ..! lets do countdown shall we? or is it not allowed? I will miss Ramadhan. Hope that i live long enough to see the next year's Ramadhan.

Everyday is my birthday!

2008-09-21T14:17:00.000+08:00

Haha! OK people.. I celebrated my birthday again! and thank goodness i finally got to meet my friends! Thank YOU!! IFFA>>CHARACE AND >> FIRLI!!!! hah! ANd not forgetting arfian(my "father")(inside jokes).. ehe! SO i was late. Firli and Iffa reach way earlier..! ehe sory guys.. It wasn't my fault! (ok maybe it is) I was soo soo dumb! i took the 858 which goes to causeway point. If it wasn't for Ahmad, I wouldnt have realised.. ehe!! So i cab there and it cause me 20 plus dollars! crap! haiz.. ANyway.. they treat me to popeye at changi.. !! hhe! and they were so sweet!! too bad my comp at home is down.. if not i could upload photos.. tt i steal from iffa! hehe! they prepare the cakes.. and the gifts.. hehe! iffa made me a book .. and charace made me a bag! ehe!! i love them both! "and charace..u sure that bag is nt frm arfian's jeans arh?"

I want to display all my gifts! flowers from ahmad..the ICF diary..and the bag..hehe! and my sis gift.. well i rather display it in public.. which is to wear it. ^_^! well.. nat and fin.. i cant diplay tt.. hmm?? they treated me to karaoke .. so..haha! stick it in my memory lah! Yi ling.. i dunno.. Lingz. wat did u gt me? hehe!

My eighteen birthday! woohoo! the best one.. but i don't deny last years one was the most memorable.. hehe! thanks iffa! charace and firli! And Ahmad My sis! Lingz! HAz! ALa all lah! and the rest of you!! who remembered and wished me for my birthday! Thank you.. it meant so much to me! thank you! Love all of you!!